I'm mad...damn mad! I'm mad that I am a diabetic! I'm mad at myself for allowing this to happen to me.... my fault.
I'm mad that there isn't a cure for diabetes. Well wait....there is...sort of...
it's not rocket science .... it's all about how I want to control it...and up until now....I suck at that. I make excuses oh yeah, one after another. This isn't news to me...but it's time I take a long hard look at who I am and why I can't get this figured out. Oh I can...I have just chosen not to...yes truth....
Let's start with the truth........ the truth is I let myself go. I allowed myself to not pay attention to ME!!! Now I am not putting the blame on anyone other then myself. I can say I was in a bad marriage ( well I was but that's over and not the reason) or unhappy with my job and so on.... I, Cindy Lee Evans Pontius didn't pay attention. I was comfortable in my fat little chubby body... I had a husband who didn't seem to care that I was a little (right) over weight.... or so I thought (but ask me if I really care about what he thought...)..my kids seemed to be happy and didn't seem to say anything other then telling me I was beautiful in their eyes. Great kids.... I love you as well....so one day the diet began.
The diet.... I went on Atkins.... I only told my family and one friend that I was going to do this....my family was great but my friend doubted me.. I was bound and determined to make her eat her words...the first week I lost 12 lbs. I was on cloud nine.... now I kept this up for about 11 months and lost 100 lbs....way to go.... I looked good and most important felt good....
Fast forward to Aug 10,2006. I was at work...looked down the hall and couldn't make out Dr Johs...now I know he is short but dang not that short. My vision was so blurry it wasn't even funny...I turned and said to my window partner Annette Crick what was going on....she said Cindy go check your urine...dip it...so I did and the strip sprang to life and said my glucose was out of control...I made an appointment with Dr Wynett (my pcp)and I did the dreaded finger poke...ouch dammit that hurts! My number was 298...way high...my A1C was 9.8 high....so my life as a diabetic started....
The pricker!! Oh my gosh....let me say...who ever came up with the idea of pricking your finger to take your blood sugar needs to be slapped silly...!!! Okay well not really...but dang....it hurts... I officially call it my Prick. But this prick of mine tells me where I am ...so I am thankful I have it... I some how managed to bring my A1C down to 6.3 in the first three months..... well ummmm today it is 7.8 I believe.... so you know what I need to do....
I blame myself. No one else. I blame myself for colon cancer that I went through in Sept 2011. I blame myself for a lot of things. But I can't look back. Yesterday is gone, today is today, and tomorrow is another day. I have chosen to deal with my diabetic diagnoses one day at a time. Soooo, I decided to blog about it...being it makes me mad....I thought what a better way to vent and brag if I do good....lol...so here I am blogging about how Diabetes makes me damn mad!!!!
Today I have it under control...and that is one thing I have decided...this won't beat me.... my blood sugar was high this am...but I am doing everything I can to bring it down. It's all about choice. I have to make good choices. I want to live a long life to enjoy my the man I love, enjoy being with and who loves me. I want to be around to see my grandchildren grow up and have a families... hell I just want some of my kids to grow up LMAO.... oh I love my kids.... all four of them...of course two are prefect and two are not....not really.... I do love them... will share in another post how my step son reacted to me being a diabetic...it is rather funny...until then... one prick at a time, one shot at a time...zip the lips and only eat what I am suppose to do....
